outofsticks | FUCK NOVEMBER, TFLN TIME

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FUCK NOVEMBER, TFLN TIME

you know what to do.

yes these are non-canon, this is just for fun. yes you can use these for bonus AC (not main AC), this is your meme credit™ for the month. these are kinda threads if you don't think about it.

they still have to be BAC length tho don't try to trick us.

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[NSFW] 1. then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow. it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.

2. i'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. bring me gin.

[NSFW] 3. maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.

[NSFW] 4. the next person i find fucking in the greenhouse is gonna have more than just being set on fire to deal with.

5. painting my nails while super high-drunk. ended up painting my entire hands. both.

6. [text him!]

PEOPLE DO GET WEIRD ABOUT SOMEONE CASUALLY ADMITTING THEY DID A MURDER. THE OTHER ONE IS JUST NORMAL BAR FLIRTING SO IT'S GOTTA BE THAT ONE

does no one want a man who will kill for them anymore????

maybe he was a coward

chivalry is fucking dead clearly, no one wants people to kill for them anymore

cmon, a man willing to kill for you? id be swoonin

[1.] Look I'm as agnostic as anyone, but the look Heimr gave me when he saw me wearing shorts today was enough to put the fear of Paul Bunyan in me, and I do not say that lightly.

[2.] Please tell me whatever splashed all over the page on your end was ink, I'm begging you.

[3.] It's not breaking and entering if there's no cops.

[4.] I didn't NOT lick the sun shard, if that's what you're asking.

[5.] Text him! Obligatory character is a minor etc etc i trust you all.

You're the one who went out in front of the Town Father in shorts with the snow being seven inches deep. You brought that on yourself.

You're not wrong!! I just didn't expect him to have strong feelings about dressing for the weather! I should ask about getting my hands on some fleece lined leggings or something.

To be fair, this is a fantasy world. Dressing for the weather is less for comfort and more for survival?

That's a fair point. I guess I haven't thought of that since uh, this place is a lot less hostile than the last world I was in.

Hard to scared of snow when the place is crawling with monsters and something called "blood pollution."

Personally I feel like those things would feed into each other? But maybe that is me being not from some hellscape world.

At the risk of sounding like an irresponsible idiot, I've gotta level with you.

I've been really excited about being able to wear shorts without leggings here because of the lack of aforementioned blood pollution. I got kinda carried away.

At the risk of sounding equally stupid, I thought it was because you were American.

No. No, that's fair. 100%.

THAT ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY WHAT I WAS ASKING.

WHY ARE YOU LICKING ROCKS????

For science, obviously. C'mon, Grunkle Stan, do I look like the kind of person who would just lick a highly magical God!Rock for no reason?

I DUNNO. DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT?

You know what? I think it's better if we left it to the imagination. Just this once.

:) it was definitely just ink bud

[1.] Like it's my fault my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill.

[2.] I see you're trapped in my gay and stupid maze again.

[3.] Are you mad at me? Would you like to be?

[4.] Murder doesn't hurt anyone. You can ask anyone who has been murdered and they literally have nothing to say on the topic. It clearly doesn't matter to them.

[5.] Wildcard option! Text him! Or beam memes in his direction or something I'm not your dad

no i'm not mad at you. how are you going to make me mad at you.

Great question! Let's find out.

What's your strongest food opinion?

oh boy

my strongest one is that chili does not belong on a fucking hot dog, and hot dogs also kind of suck. bratwurst is better.

Clearly you've only ever had bad quality hot dogs. Bratwurst is good, I'll give you that, but hot dogs are very much the same creature. If you use only the finest quality ingredients, you'll get a great flavor and a pleasing snap when you bite into it.

The same goes for the chili - high quality ingredients are key. Use high quality meat and chilis, and the hot dog turns into a vessel for deliciousness.

no, good hot dogs and good chili doesn't mean the mixed textures and flavours of these two things aren't blatantly offensive.

Sure it does. It's a much more complex and flavorful topping than ketchup. Add a little mustard and relish to it under the chili and it gives you a nice, sharp tang.

Now, beans in the chili on a chili dog? That's offensive.

1. The bartender insists blood isn't an acceptable beverage, and yet the bloody mary exists. Chessmate.

2. I woke up in bed. I know this shouldn't sound alarming, but I would like to note that I don't have a bed.

[nsfwish] 3. Yes, I suppose in this case, I would describe him as a kilf.

4. [Create your own text adventure]

I don't think there's real blood a bloody mary, dude. Hate to break it to you.

...why would someone find it necessary to lie about a drink?

I think it's named that way because the drink looks like blood. "Bloody Mary" is also a spooky urban legend about a ghost you can summon in a mirror that's covered in blood, as well as a name for someone in the Tudor era who uh, I think burned a lot of people at the stake? It's been a while since I've read that particular history book.

So then...in order to have a drink made the way I want it, I will need to burn even more people...

what the fuck is a kilf

Edited 2024-11-12 18:05 (UTC)

If I'm understanding these acronyms correctly, it stands for key I'd like to fuck.

i am 99% certain that's going to hurt a LOT

Only to those who can't think creatively enough. Once I get him his own body, we'll be perfect, our marriage will be perfect. Like a key into a lock, is there anything more beautiful?!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

yeah yeah when he has his own body sure that's fine and i'm happy for you, but are you going to shove a wholeass metal key up there in the meantime? don't girls have super sensitive bits

Why do you think of me as so pathetically needy? Do you truly believe I wouldn't wait until then?!

girl you called him a key you'd like to fuck that makes me think you're going to give yourself some sort of vaginal metal poisoning

Just because he has a body, doesn't mean he stops being my key. It's like you don't even understand love, I really pity you.

juuuuuust looking out for you. say what you will i guess

Looking out? For me? I don't understand, you should know I'm capable of taking care of myself. Especially when it comes to my marriage.

i don't know how to tell you "key i'd like to fuck" is super alarming when i'm not sure if you're being cutesy with your husband or taking an actual goddamn car key and shoving it into unmentionable places.

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